i'll be the mommy, you be the daddy

freud says that boys sexualize their mothers. if this is true, then it can also be said that men maternalize their wives. i'm all for designated roles and duties--it really makes a lot of sense as far as running an efficient family machine. but in these days when it almost always takes a double income to support the inflated cost of living, i think men need a little contribution to the double duties of home life.

my husband is actually quite evolved in this regard, and i am thankful every day that his career allows me to stay with the kids. even better is that he has been afforded this rare time as well, so that the kids and i have his constant support. however...something happens to a man when he continually views his wife in the mothering role, some kind of unconscious regression to elementary days of total care. in some ways it's cute when my husband asks for a turn nursing (lol--just kidding!!). no but seriously, i've noticed that by default he leaves his dishes at the table and resumes whatever he was doing before dinner; he takes for granted that every sock and jockey underwear was hand-washed (hand to washing machine) by me. i must concede though--most men wouldn't be able to hang with the co=parenting he accomplishes daily. but please, dishes to the sink at least.

then i must check myself and ask if i too am paternalizing him as my partner. in some ways i suppose i do count on him to be my rock, my protector, etc. but then again, freud's emphasis wasn't so much on girls sexualizing their fathers...but in many ways, i guess i do idealize the father's role. the ability to choose when they are available for the needs of kids; the freedom to pursue career; the satisfaction of making money.

maybe we both revert to our childhood when we get married. we get to play the roles again with (hopefully) more awareness and climb yet another rung on this generational ladder, ascending the heights of consciousness through our children, grandchildren, great grand children, great, great grand...